Walmart and Canines
by Rivala
Summary: On one fateful afternoon, Ed and Al became main characters of a short one-shot which involved nothing but filler and bad jokes. This is their story.


Hey there! I wanted to write something about Edward Elric and a supermarket, so here it is. Hurray for raw sugar!

_{Please excuse him; he's on a sugar high}_

* * *

"Soooo..." Alphonse Elric started casually, staring at the huge building in front of him. "... This is a Wal-Mart?"

Edward said nothing. He just took an unsavoury glance and looked away. "I don't care if it's the frigging White House; I'm still not going in."

Alphonse rolled his eyes. "But big brother, we need food."

"Then why don't we just go to a small grocery shop nearby or something?"

"Because we also need other stuff like fish and coat hangers, and we can't get them in a grocery shop."

_That's it, then_, thought Edward. _My new year's resolution is to create a corner shop that sells everything your average Joe needs! Let's see... I will need an accountant..._

"Ed?"

"Eh? Oh yeah, I'm not going in."

Alphonse rolled his eyes again and gave a lethargic sigh. He then decided no more Mr. Nice guy.

"Fine, then," he replied, an irritated edge to his voice. "Stay out here."

Edward watched his brother disappear through the automatic sliding doors. He then sat down and watched the world go by.

Well, for about thirty seconds. Then he just got bored.

He stared at the sky for a little while, and watched the clouds.

After another thirty seconds, he got bored of that too.

He pulled out a notepad from his jacket pocket and started to play hangman by himself.

This was a waste of time, since he already knew what word it was.

_Damn you, Al! You and your love of toiletries..._

"Edward? Is that you?"

"Eh?"

Edward looked up to see Colonel Armstrong walking towards him whilst holding a small dog.

"Colonel Armstrong? What the hell..?"

"Never mind! My boy, could you please do me a small favour?"

"Uh, I'm kinda busy..."

"Really? Splendid, my boy! Thank you so much, I really don't have the time to look after Mr. Snuggles. He is the pet of my aunt, you see, but I do not care for dogs."

Colonel Armstrong plopped the poodle into Edward's arms, not bothering to listen to the boy's protests.

And so Edward was left, holding the fluffy mess that Colonel Armstrong had abandoned upon him.

_I want to cry..._

Edward sweat dropped as the dog attempted to lick his cheek, which was a first, as animals tended to prefer trying to eat him alive. But Edward paid little attention to the canine, and pulled out his pocket watch to check how long Alphonse had been off... buying stuff.

Uggghh... he's been in there for 15 minutes already! How long does it take to purchase... what was it again...? Oh yeah, coat hangers... ahem, how long does it take to purchase coat hangers? Why did they even _need_ coat hangers? Why couldn't they just use alchemy to _make_ the coat hangers, and save money? Why did Ed even agree that they _needed_ coat hangers?

Why why why why _why_?

_Grrrrrrr..._

Edward decided to go for a walk and try to use his telepathic powers to tell Al that he'd gotten tired of waiting. He knew of the great flaw in his plan- the part where he didn't have telepathic powers- but he didn't care. He wanted to move, dammit! And screw the dog, if it went missing then it would all be Colonel Armstrong's fault for entrusting him with a small defenceless animal. Yeah, screw the dog and its loving nature! Screw it long and hard!

... Ahem. Well, that was disturbing.

And so, Edward started his little adventure. Which he was enjoying thoroughly, until...

"Hello young man, but where do you think you're going? You left that poor doggy of yours back there."

Edward turned with a half-hearted sigh to see some strange old person smiling at him creepily. Edward, feeling that he'd been backed into a corner, did the only decent thing he could think of in this situation.

"Aw, gomenasai," Edward chirped, shrugging, "Me no hablo ingles!"

_Aww yeah, my 'Pretend you're a Foreigner of Unknown Origin' plan is flawless. FLAWLESS I TELL YOU! They should give me a career in voice acting... Not anime voice acting though, that's just retarded...But wait..., who is this 'they' I speak of...?_

At that point, Edward turned on his heels and ran off to ponder this, er... big question.

The old person just stood there confused and turned to the five-year old next to them. "Excuse me, young man, but where do you think you're going? You left that poor doggy of yours back there."

The boy's eyebrows shot up.

"I have a DOG?!" he cried, dropping his ice-cream in excitement.

{* =_= *}

Alphonse Elric walked out of the supermarket twenty four minutes later.

"Agghhh," he growled, "Where's that retard now?!"

* * *

Ahehe... okay, I'll admit this is a bit of a do-over. Please give me both encouraging comments and constructive critisism...

(^o^) In return I will give you this penguin.


End file.
